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Chapter 12

 

  Love from a Distance

  I reluctantly opened my eyes in the morning. I'd been running on less sleep than normal, since Kellan and the guys had left town. There seemed to be a list of things that kept me up late each night; closing shifts at work, studying for school, Anna wanting to talk about the texts she was getting from Griffin, Kellan calling me at bedtime, tucking me in with his voice. . .

  As the sleep stinging my eyes made them water a little, I wondered if Kellan was feeling the effects of his own late nights, on stage or on the road. Then I wondered if he was sticking to his normal pattern of early rising. His tour mates probably didn't appreciate it if he was staying true to form. At least, not as much as I appreciated it. I'd had to make my own coffee for way too many mornings in a row now. . . I couldn't even recall how many.

  Sighing, I reached back with my toes to feel the vacant half of the bed next to me. Oddly, it wasn't vacant. I jerked my head around immediately. Resting on his stomach, his head facing me, Kellan was lying right there. A huge grin spread on my face as I propped myself up on an elbow to stare down at him.

  Of course, how could I forget, his time had passed. . . he was back home. I couldn't remember the time passing by, which was kind of strange considering how much of it had blurred past, but I somehow knew that it had. Six months had gone by and Kellan was home. . . in his bed. Looking around, my thoughts were confirmed. We weren't in my room, we were in his. His Ramones poster was still perfectly pinned in place, his Bumbershoot poster right beside it.

  Odd, I'd really thought the time would drag.

  Not really caring how the time leap had happened, I leaned down and ran the back of my knuckle over his cheek. He moved his head a little, but his eyes remained closed in slumber. Sighing contently, I let my finger trail down his neck and over his shoulder blade. Sometime in the night, I'd become a bit of a bedcover hog and Kellan had only been left with the sheet. He could be a restless sleeper sometimes, and he'd twisted the fabric so that only a corner of it was resting over his bare backside.

  My knuckle traveled over his ribs, the long scar on his side the only mar on his otherwise smooth, pristine skin. I bit my lip as I traced it, enjoying a personal detail about Kellan that only a handful of other people knew about.

  He exhaled in a way that kind of sounded like a sigh, but peeking up at him, he still seemed out of it. The tour must have been exhausting. It was unusual for me to wake before him. It was nearly unheard of for me to be able to touch him without him waking. Unless he was deep in a nightmare, even a slight caress usually made his eyes crack open. He was just a very light sleeper.

  Curious, I flipped my hand around so my palm rested on his low back. Still no response. My own body fully awake now, I started sliding my hand down. As my hand slipped under the scant sheet separating his skin from the spring air, I angled my fingers down to feel his hip bone.

  Biting my lip so hard I thought I might puncture myself, I pushed the heel of my hand all the way down the side of his hip. There was something insanely erotic about the movement, and I was breathing a little heavier when I reached his thigh. Loving what just that small move had done to me, I brought my hand back up his hip. This time, I moved the sheet aside so I could see the skin there; it turned me on even more.

  I glanced back up at him, but he was still obliviously sleeping away. I frowned, irritated that we weren't on the same page. I was getting all riled up and he had his head on his arm, contently unconscious.

  His knee was slightly at an angle up his body, so there was a small, seductive gap under his hip. Containing a groan, I pushed my fingers into the gap. Maybe I could wake him up another way? He might be sleeping through me caressing his body, but touching that body part would surely get. . . some response.

  Just as my fingers were wrapping around his hip bone, I heard a low and husky voice say, "Careful. . . you're about to make me very happy. "

  Smiling, I peeked up at him again. Insanely dark blue eyes stared down at me. One lip curling up into a devilish smile, he murmured, "Was there something you needed?"

  Pressing my body into his, I nodded. "Yeah, I think so. "

  His smile widening, he inhaled deep and flipped onto his back. The scant covering that had been on him didn't survive the twisting process, falling off mid-turn. Putting his other arm behind his head, he tilted his chin up and closed his eyes. "Well then, go ahead. "

  That was when my eyes sprang open for real.

  I knew I was really awake that time because my bed was completely empty. My bed was achingly empty, and I could remember every long second that had ticked by since Kellan's departure a month and a half ago. There was no glossing over time periods in reality. Every moment was catalogued in the brain, so every moment was known. You didn't suddenly not remember six months passing. Unfortunately.

  Sitting up in my bed, I cursed the erotic dream I'd been having. It really wasn't fair to wake up right as Kellan was exposing himself to me. I didn't even get to sneak a peek.

  Sighing, I tossed the covers off. My dream had left me in a mood that required Kellan's attentions. Irritated, I decided to get ready for school. At least some education would help douse the fire in my body.

  I turned the water all the way down to ice cold when I got in the shower. It didn't entirely take the heat of the dream away, but the shivering and shaking did help. By the time I was done, I had to hop up and down to get my circulation moving again.

  My teeth chattering, I smiled at a post-it note on the mirror as I ran a comb through my hair. I'd found it the morning after Kellan had left. Sleepy and a little forlorn, I had found it hiding inside my mirrored medicine cabinet, waiting for me behind my stick of deodorant. In Kellan's neat scrawl, it read, 'Remember you're beautiful, and I'm thinking of you. ' After I'd taped it to the mirror, my sister had added a sticky note beside it. Hers read, 'I'm jealous and I hate you. . . but you are beautiful. '

  I shook my head at them both. It still amazed me how much thought Kellan had put into his departure. I'd found other notes tucked throughout my home. One in the coffee pot told me how many scoops to use to make the perfect batch. One in his car reminded me to drive slowly. One tucked in the back of my locker at work asked if I missed him yet. One at his house told me I could make use of his bed if I wanted to. It even highly implied that I should enjoy myself, and if I wanted, I could send him pictures.

  After I'd found the majority of them in those first couple of weeks, I'd thought that would be it, but as time went by, like a never-ending Easter egg hunt, I kept finding ones that had been even more carefully hidden. Sometimes, when I had spare time, I'd search for them. That was how I'd found my most prized possession.

  Kellan had hidden it well, maybe not wanting me to find it for a few months. And I'd come across it completely by luck. Once Kellan had started spending so many nights here at my place, I'd given him a drawer in my dresser, so he could store some of his stuff. And just because I loved him, I'd given him the top one. Wondering where the clever man would stash a note in my home, I'd rifled through his shirts and jeans. After checking all of his pants pockets, I'd started in on my drawer below it. Expecting him to leave something naughty in my underwear drawer, I'd been surprised to find it undisturbed. But then I'd heard a weird noise as I was closing it, like paper sliding against wood.

  Taking the drawer out, I'd flipped it over and found the surprise taped to the bottom. I'd stared at it for a solid five minutes, barely even breathing. Kellan hadn't left a note there. He'd taken a picture. It was black and white and artistically beautiful, but that wasn't what made my breathing shallow. It was what he'd chosen to photograph.

  It was his body. . . fresh from the shower.

  I wasn't sure how he'd captured the image, but it started around his jaw line and cut off just centimeters before his. . . intimate parts. Everything in-between was covered in beaded drops of moisture, rivers of it running across the curves
and lines of his well-defined physique. It was the single most erotic thing I'd ever seen, and I flushed whenever I looked at it. I flushed a lot throughout my day.

  I kept it in my purse with me, carrying it around everywhere I went. I pulled it out periodically, reading the inscription on the back whenever I did. In red ink he'd written, 'I know you enjoy looking at me and I wouldn't want to deprive you of anything that brings you joy. ' I usually fanned myself with it next.

  Whenever Kellan and I talked on the phone, I'd always mention what I'd found that day. He'd chuckle at me, enjoying that he could entertain me, even while away. I suspected that was only one of the reasons he'd done it. First as a game, and second as a way to keep me thinking of him. Like I'd ever stop thinking about him. The night I'd told him I'd found his naked picture, he'd made a deep noise in his throat, then asked, "Which one?"

  I couldn't even answer him and he'd spent a good minute laughing. I had no idea if there were more naked pictures around, but I was determined to find out.

  Sighing again, I shook my head to clear Kellan from my thoughts. I needed to think of other things today than missing him. I needed to think of other things than how he was doing and what he was doing. I needed to stop wondering why almost every time he called me there was a giggling girl in the background. No, those things could wait until later. Today, today I needed to focus on my last class before winter break. My last final before winter break.

  And then. . . then I could think about Kellan, about finally seeing him again in a week, when we met up at my parents' place for Christmas. I was trying to not get too excited about it, but it was too late, I already was. My parents. . . were not so thrilled. Convincing them that Kellan could join in our festivities had taken some work. It wasn't as if they hated him or anything, they just didn't know him yet. All they knew was what he did, and for my dad, that was enough. While he didn't say it directly, I think my dad was expecting an STD-carrying, crack-smoking, foul-mouthed hooligan to show up. He always had been a little overprotective.

  After throwing on a pair of comfortable jeans and the warmest sweater I owned, I bundled up in a thick jacket and grabbed my bag. Then I headed out to Kellan's second baby. I'd started calling her Babe-ette. Kellan asked about her well being almost as much as my own. Starting the muscle car, I let the sound take me back to his smile. I couldn't wait to see him again.

  Once at school, I quickly found a seat and pulled out my notes. I had some spare time, so I prepared for a quick study session before my ethics final. I waved at some of the people that I'd gotten to know in group discussion periods. After Kellan had made it look so seamless and natural, I'd started speaking up in class. Surprisingly, people listened to me. Even more surprising, many people agreed with me. It was exhilarating, in a way, and I'd found myself piping up more and more. As a result, the girls that used to ogle my boyfriend every morning, while eyeing me speculatively, now gave me warm smiles of greeting. Some had even asked about Kellan. Like the girl currently sitting on my right, Cheyenne.

  Perky and blonde, she was the sort of girl that men noticed. But she had a way of talking that made you like her, regardless of how attractive she was. Nearly every girl in the class was her friend, but she always tried to sit by me. She said just being around me boosted her test scores.

  "Hey, Kiera. Think you're going to ace this?" Cheyenne had a slight southern tang to her voice that made it even more adorable.

  Smiling in the self-assured way that I'd often seen Kellan smile, I shrugged. "Sure, no problem. " Then I grimaced. "I hope. "

  She smiled as she pulled out her own notes. "I'm sure you'll kick my butt. " Glancing over at the chicken scratches on my papers, she asked, "You heard from Kellan recently? How's he doing?"

  I sighed, trying not to think too much about those deep blue eyes that I missed, the impossibly sexy mess of hair. "Yeah, he called last night. They're doing good, working their way to the east coast. He's somewhere in Pennsylvania, I think. "

  Her eyes widened as she shook her head. "Pennsylvania? I've always wanted to head over there, see the history. " Leaning back in her seat, her eyes got a little dreamy. "Lucky guy, he's getting to see the world. "

  Tapping my pen against my notebook, I nodded. "Yeah. . . yeah he is. " Chuckling softly, I added, "Well, this country at least. "

  Students around us filtered in as Cheyenne and I went over what may or may not be on the test. Candy and her friends came in, sitting as far away from me as possible. I still wasn't sure what Kellan had said to them, but she'd certainly backed off after he'd said it. I knew Kellan had a temper sometimes; I'd been the recipient on an occasion or two. Maybe Candy had never been snapped at before.

  As I was debating it, Candy twisted in her seat. Spotting me, she glared, then rolled her eyes. Twisting back to Tina, she said something that made them all laugh, then Tina twisted to look at me. I flushed deep, coming up with a list of insults that she could have said. I guess she hadn't backed off as much as I thought. Maybe Kellan had been gone for long enough that her confidence had boosted back up. Oh well, didn't matter. Candy could like me or hate me, it didn't change my relationship with Kellan.

  Noticing the look, Cheyenne commented. "Candy sure has evil eyes for you. What did you ever do to her anyway?" Leaning in, she smiled. "You're far too sweet for anyone not to like. "

  I smiled at Cheyenne warmly, thinking that she should have seen me last year. I was anything but sweet then, constantly betraying Denny, breaking Kellan's heart over and over. Shaking my head to clear away the memories, I shrugged. "She wanted to be the one dating the rock star. " Looking over at Candy, I smiled even wider. "But the rock star wanted to date me. " Wishing my dream had been real this morning, I sighed.

  Cheyenne laughed and muttered something about Candy needing to get over herself. A burly guy walked down the aisle in front of us. He sat in the seat directly in front of me, making the entire thing squeak a little. As he shifted to get comfortable, I noticed something at the bottom of the chair. It was a scrap of paper, oddly stuffed into the edge of the seat, nearly invisible.

  Smirking, I wondered if Kellan had shoved it there, one last impossible note for me to find. On a whim, I reached down and pulled the paper free. It took a second to jiggle it out of where it had been jammed. Cheyenne watched me curiously. When I finally had it, she pointed at it. "What's that?"

  Shaking my head, I sighed again. "Probably nothing. " Probably just my overactive imagination.

  Unfolding the wadded-up paper, I busted out laughing. I had to slap my hand over my mouth to not cause a scene in the starting-to-get quiet room. It was from Kellan. On the tiny piece of paper he'd written, 'Quit thinking of me naked and study, it's the ethical thing to do. '

  Still chuckling, I shook my head. How did he know I was having erotic dreams about him? Releasing my hand from my mouth, I trailed a finger over the words he'd created. Sighing, I wondered if he was having erotic dreams about me, too. I sort of hoped he was.

  Cheyenne beside me giggled. "That from Kellan? He's pretty funny. " She shook her head. "Gorgeous and funny, no wonder Candy hates you. "

  Laughing at her comment, my eyes swept over some of the other chairs. How had he known I'd pick this particular seat? I really had been extremely lucky to find this note at all. When I started spotting tiny corners of papers sticking out of some of the other seats, I reconsidered. I wasn't lucky. . . Kellan had tucked notes everywhere. My God, that must have taken him forever. When the hell had he done that? And what did they all say? As the professor had just started class, I couldn't start collecting them yet. I'd have to wait until after class to find out. My smile was huge all throughout the final exam. . . I'm sure I was quite possibly the happiest person taking it.

  Cheyenne waved goodbye after class, wishing me luck on my scores. Smiling at her, I pretended to take forever gathering my stuff together. When the room was mostly empty, I began my note-seeking quest. It took me a while, but I eventuall
y recovered every scrap that Kellan had tucked away. When all the chairs were clean, I ended up with about a hundred little messages. I immediately went home, to ponder them all in the privacy of my room. Some were hot, some were sweet, but all of them were a joyful surprise. He'd done so much to make sure that I wouldn't forget him, almost like he was still scared that I would. Clutching the necklace around my throat, I shook my head. My eyes stung with tears. Like I ever could.

  Tucking a note that merely said, 'I love you,' into my pocket, I started to get ready for work. Since today had been the last day of school for all of the college kids, we were expecting it to be pretty busy. Especially since our new band had started to gather a fan base around themselves.

  I wasn't too thrilled with someone else being up on Kellan's stage, but I had to admit that the group was good. Evan and Kellan had signed them up for Pete before heading out of town. The Seattle music scene was sort of a small social circle, with everybody knowing everybody else, and Kellan had thought that this particular group of guys would be the best fit for the bar.

  When I say guys, I should clarify. . . I mean girls. Yeah, Kellan had signed up a girl band. Don't get me wrong, they rocked like any other male band on the planet, but, I smirked when I saw them for the first time. I had the distinct feeling that Kellan had picked a group of girls on purpose. Wouldn't want me fawning over another male, moody artist.

  Putting my stuff away in the back room an hour later, I was assaulted by my peppy best friend. Wrapping her arms around me, Jenny kissed my cheek. "Hey, Kiera. How was your last class?"

  I grinned like a dopey idiot, thinking about the dozens of love notes currently sprawled across my bed. "Wonderful. . . " I exhaled, a little dreamily. Jenny looked at me like I was mental. And I supposed my love-filled sigh was sort of a strong reaction to taking a final. Laughing a little, I shrugged. "What can I say, I love school. "

  Smiling crookedly, she shook out her golden locks. "You're so weird. "

  Playfully batting her on the arm, the two of us headed out to start our shifts. In the hallway, we were stopped by someone exiting the bathroom. "Oh, hey, Kiera, Jenny. "

  Looking over to the doors, I contained a sigh. A member of the girl band playing tonight was smiling at me. They called themselves Poetic Bliss, and the girl heading my way was the lead singer. Her name was Rain, but I was pretty sure that wasn't what was written on her birth certificate. Pretty sure, since the other band member's names were Blessing, Meadow, Sunshine, and. . . Tuesday.

  I had a really hard time saying that last one with a straight face. I wasn't sure if they'd all changed their names once joining the band, or if a group of uniquely named girls had just happened to come across each other. I was leaning more towards the name change. The only thing I was certain of, was that Rain knew my boyfriend in ways that most women around here seemed to know my boyfriend. Intimate ways. That was why I always wanted to sigh every time she talked to me. There was a definite downside to dating a former man whore.

  Jauntily walking up to me, I tried to not picture her entangled with Kellan. It was kind of hard to not think about it, though. She was spunky, energetic, one of those people that was constantly moving. I kept imagining her being sort of. . . wild. . . behind closed doors. Knowing that I really wasn't outrageously great in bed or anything, I immediately felt like I fell short. But love and lust were different things, and all of her playful antics hadn't made Kellan fall for her, so I must be doing something right. Besides. . . Kellan never complained about our sex life.

  Rain came up and gave me a swift hug. "Hey, thank Kellan again for lining up this gig for me. It's awesome here, I love it!" The petite woman was three or four inches shorter than me but she made up for it by wearing six-inch heels on her chunky boots. With her jet-black hair cropped into a short, shaggy mess and her dark eyes highlighted in dramatic shades of gray and pink, she looked the part of a tough rocker chick. The clingy, low-cut shirt and barely-there pleated miniskirt completed the look. Well, that and the spiked collar around her neck.

  "Yeah, I'll tell him," I mumbled, wishing I could go back in time and tell a much younger Kellan that saying no was a perfectly acceptable response to come-ons, that sex wasn't the same as love. But I'm pretty sure young Kellan wouldn't have listened. He'd had to figure that one out on his own.

  Reaching my hand in my pocket to feel his note, I added, "Have a great night up there. You guys are sounding really good. "

  She tilted her dark head at me, bouncing up on her toes a little bit. "Thanks! I was so excited to play tonight. I couldn't wait to get here. " She looked around the mostly empty hallway. "When do the cute guys come in anyway?"

  I bit back a smile. Well, they usually strolled in hours before they played, too. Shrugging, I only told her, "Business picks up in an hour or so. "

  She nodded, giggling. "I'm gonna shoot some pool then. Catch you later!" With that, she turned and skipped down the hall, the pleats of her skirt showing way more of her bare leg than I'd ever dare to show in public.

  Jenny looped her arm through mine. "Stop it right now. "

  I looked back at her, frowning. "Stop what?"

  "Comparing yourself. " She nodded up the hall to where the sprightly girl had disappeared. "I know you heard her and Rita talking about having sex with Kellan. I saw your face when they were describing their moments. " She frowned. "Well, before you hightailed it and ran. . . and I don't blame you for that one. "

  I cringed, remembering walking into a conversation that I'd never wanted to hear. . . ever. Apparently Rita and Kellan's hookup had happened right here at the bar, after closing one night. And when I say "bar" I mean that literally. . . he'd taken her right next to the soda dispenser. I'd dashed out of the conversation just as Rain had been explaining how they'd made his car shake so much that she'd been worried it would tip over. I was not thrilled to have that in my head every time I drove his. . . baby. . . somewhere.

  I sighed as I started walking down the hall. "It doesn't matter. That's his history," I smiled weakly, "and I'm his future. " Hopefully.

  Jenny clapped me on the back, smiling brightly. "That's the spirit. Now the next time you say it, say it without looking like your puppy just died. "

  I laughed at her comment, genuinely feeling better. I still clutched Kellan's love note all throughout my shift, though, especially when Poetic Bliss took the stage.

  When I got home that night and stared at all of the evidence of Kellan's affection around my room-notes, lyrics, pictures-I grabbed a suitcase from my closet and started packing. I was leaving Monday with my sister to head back home for the holidays. By this time next week, Kellan and I would be reunited. Just the thought spurred me to action. I couldn't sleep, I needed to do something, and packing seemed as good a distraction as any.

  Humming one of Poetic Bliss's songs to myself, I pulled out my warmest sweaters. I made sure I included the ugly green one that made me look like a frumpy housewife. My parents had given it to me last year and I knew my mom would ask about it if I didn't wear it. Since I'd invited Kellan to crash the party, I wanted them in the best mood possible.

  Stuffing some socks around the edge of my bag, I startled when my phone trilled at me. Seeing who was calling, I brightened even more. "Hey, you," I sighed, "I've missed you all day. "

  Kellan laughed in my ear, the sound sending a shiver down my spine. "I missed you, too. Anything noteworthy today?"

  He emphasized the word note and I giggled, sitting down on my pile of them. "Ah, yeah, actually. The cleaning staff at school has been slacking off lately. I found at least a hundred slips of paper that the janitors missed. "

  "Hmmm. . . just a hundred? Guess some got nabbed by your classmates. " He laughed again. "I hope they got the kinky ones. "

  I flushed, wondering what he meant by kinky. Biting my lip, I smiled and ran a hand back through my hair. "I'm packing right now. . . I can't wait to see you next week. " I looked out the window, east, to
where he was miles and miles away from me. "Is there anything you need from your place? I could grab it?"

  "I can't wait to see you either. In fact, I bought this lingerie for you before I left, tucked it away for when I got back. . . you could bring that?"

  I sat up straight, flushing even more. I had no idea if he was joking or not. "Uh, I don't. . . um. . . "

  He chuckled in my ear as I stammered for a response. Just the thought of wearing something sultry and having those bedroom eyes wash over me. . . it made me tingle. "I'm kidding, Kiera. You don't have to dress sexy for me. . . you already are. "

  Smiling, I looked down at the plain tank top and lounge pants I'd put on. Yep, that was me. . . sexy as all get out. I sighed and he heard it. "You okay?"

  Not meaning to say anything, I blurted out, "Rain says thank you. . . again. "

  "Oh. " His voice sounded surprised. He'd probably been expecting something much different to come out of my mouth. "Well, tell her it was no big deal. Her band is great, they deserve the opportunity. "

  "Yeah," I muttered, "And she's not one to pass up an opportunity. " I bit my lip and cringed, hating that I'd actually said that out loud. I hated sounding jealous and petty.

  Kellan, of course, heard my tone and deciphered it correctly. His voice a little tight, he quietly said, "She told you, didn't she?"

  I exhaled in a rush, not really wanting to talk about this, but knowing I'd opened the can and Kellan wouldn't let it go until all of the worms were back inside it. "No, I overheard her and Rita comparing notes. " I said Rita's name a bit harshly and clamped my mouth shut. God, the harpy was coming out of me today.

  Kellan sighed. "Oh. . . did you know about Rita already?" he whispered that, his voice really tentative.

  "Yes. " The word came out short, clipped, and I forced myself to relax. History. . . future. I needed to remember that mantra.

  Kellan was silent for a second and I nearly wanted to apologize for bringing it up. He spoke before I could. "I'm sorry, Kiera. I never wanted you to have to hear about. . . them. If I could stop the gossiping, you know I would. "

  I sighed and laid back on my bed, propping my feet up. "You don't have to apologize, Kellan. It's. . . water under the bridge, really. " Shaking my head, I tried to change the subject. "What about you, what have you been up to?"

  He was quiet a moment, then murmured, "Just shows and traveling. I'm so sorry I haven't had a chance to come home yet. With us on the road between shows, there just hasn't been enough time to fly back to you. "

  I exhaled, the sound wistful to my ears. "I know. I miss you. . . so much. " I closed my eyes.

  He chuckled, his voice husky. "I miss you, too. I have the wildest dreams about you. You would not believe the hard-ons I wake up with. "

  My eyes sprang open as I listened to him chuckle in my ear. My body heated at his words. I imagined his response to his dreams and my response to my dreams. It warmed me that we were both waking up. . . unsatisfied. "Me too," I whispered, my face heating worse than my body. He laughed a little more and I slapped my hand over my eyes. "I mean, I'm not hard, but. . . " I groaned, hating the words that sometimes left my mouth.

  In a low, seductive growl, he murmured, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I wish I was there, to touch you when you woke up that way. I wish I could feel how much you miss me. "

  I bit my lip, my fingers running over my mouth. Barely above a whisper, I said, "I wish you were too. . . "

  He exhaled in a groan. "God, your voice. . . I'm hard right now, Kiera. I wish you could touch me. "

  My breath picking up, I heard myself murmur, "I want to. " I had no idea if I meant that I wanted to touch him, or that I wanted to continue with where I thought this conversation might be going.

  He paused for a second. When he spoke again, there was a heat in his voice that made me melty and gooey; it made me squirm. "Oh, Kiera. . . I want you so bad. . . what do you want me to do?"

  Covering my eyes, I bit my lip. Oh my God, I could not do this. Feeling moronic, I whispered, "Touch it, pretend it's me. " Oh God, I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again.

  I was expecting Kellan to chuckle, but he didn't, instead I heard some rustling around and I swear-a zipper un-zipping. Oh, damn. . .

  He hissed in a breath, releasing it with a gasp. "Oh, I'm so hard. . . it feels so good. What now?"

  Not believing this was happening, I swallowed. "Stroke it. " I didn't just actually say that. . . did I?

  He moaned in my ear, his breath faster. "Kiera. . . God. . . feels so good. . . I wish I was wet, though, like I am when I'm inside you. "

  I groaned, biting my knuckle. Jesus, was he really. . . ? Insanely glad my sister was asleep, I whispered, "Do you have anything that would. . . ?"

  In a strained voice, his breath hitching, he gasped out, "Yeah. . . hold on. " I heard a distinctly squishy noise and wondered just what sort of lubricant Kellan had on hand. . . and why. When he spoke again though, I couldn't have cared less. "Oh. . . God. . . yes, it's warm. . . like you. You feel so good, wrapped around me. . . "

  Aching myself now, I moaned a little. He was pretending, maybe I should too? "Do you want to touch me, Kellan?"

  "Oh God, yes, please. I need to feel that warm, wet skin. . . I need to be inside you. . . "

  Holy. . . hell. I ran my hand down my stomach, but I couldn't quite make myself go any further. I was far too embarrassed, even alone. Kellan didn't know that though. "Does it feel good?" he groaned.

  "Yes," I whispered. All of me felt tingly and nice, so that wasn't really a lie.

  His breath increased. "Oh God, I need it harder. . . faster. . . "

  "Yes, I whispered again. "Do it, do it faster. . . " I had to ceaselessly move my legs I was aching so bad, but I still hesitated to go through with my end of this.

  Kellan, however, was not hesitating at all. "Oh, God, yes. . . don't stop. . . that feels so good, please don't stop. . . " I moaned again, re-biting my knuckle so hard I thought I might break the skin. He groaned deep, his breath in a pant. "I want to come. . . Kiera. . . come with me. . . "

  I ran my hand back through my hair. Oh my God. . . he really was. . .

  "Okay," I whispered, my voice husky. "Harder, Kellan, I need more of you in me," I murmured, my hand drifting back down to my stomach.

  That got him going. "Yes. . . God, Kiera, you're so sexy, you feel so good. I'm in you. . . right now. . . can you feel me? Can you feel how deep I am?"

  I groaned, louder than before and my hand strayed to the edge of my underwear. "God, Kellan, you're perfect. . . so perfect. " My voice gained in strength as some of my inhibitions started leaving me. I wanted him. I wanted to do this. I wanted to finish this. . . together. "Yes, yes, take me. . . "

  "Oh my God, Kiera, I'm almost there. . . come with me. . . "

  "Yes, Kellan, do it. . . come for me. . . " Not believing I said that, I finally tucked a finger on the inside of my underwear.

  That was when I heard something that dashed some cold water on my hot little moment. Kellan stopped breathing heavy and the phone muffled. Quieter than he'd been, but still loud enough to hear, I heard him say, "I'll have a Denver omelet. . . thank you. "

  I sat up in my bed, covering myself with my hands like we'd just gotten walked in on. Before he spoke to me again, I snapped out, "Kellan Kyle! Are you in a restaurant?"

  "Well, I wouldn't exactly call this a restaurant. . . greasy spoon maybe. " His breath was still a little fast, but way more calm than it had been.

  I closed my eyes, running my hand down my face. "Please tell me you are not about to be arrested for indecent exposure. "

  He laughed a little. "No, I'm not. "

  I dropped my hand to my knee, floored. "You faked all that? Why would you do that to me?" I brought my knees to my chest, feeling sort of weird. He'd told me before when he'd faked a sexual act that it hadn't been his first time, but, damn. . .

  Kellan sighed
. "I never expected you to go along with it and when you did, well, I wasn't about to stop you from having your moment. " In a whisper he added, "Even if I can't come right now. . . I want you to. "

  I bit my lip, feeling a little bad. I'd been faking it, too. "I may have been exaggerating my part in it. . . but I was thinking about it. "

  Kellan laughed. "Well, we'll call that a practice round then. Next time. . . I'll be somewhere private and you will actually touch yourself. Deal?"

  I flushed, feeling that embarrassment creep back up. "Yeah," I mumbled.

  I heard a voice in the background that sounded vaguely familiar. Sitting ramrod straight, I whispered, "Oh my God, please tell me that you're sitting alone. "

  Kellan paused. I could almost hear him debating on whether or not to answer me. "Um, well, no. . . the guys are here. . . and Justin. He says hey, by the way. "

  "Oh my God!" I exclaimed, disconnecting the phone in my mortification. Not only had he faked that little moment, but he'd faked it in front of his friends and the celebrity that I knew I'd never be able to look in the eye again. God. . . men. . .