The Beast Within Read online

  Looking back at him, I asked, “Is that why you’re doing this? So you don’t have to share your girlfriend with me?”

  Without the slightest bit of remorse or self-consciousness, he answered, “Yes, that is precisely why.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I wanted, other than relief from my life. As I stared at the hollowed columns dotting the terrain, I felt my salvation, my curse, returning with food for me. My stomach roiled in protest and anticipation. God, what animal had she found around here? Was it already dead, or did she want me to do that part? She was going to be extremely unhappy with me when I neither drank nor killed whatever poor beast was on the menu.

  I fidgeted, wrapping my arms around myself. It was freezing outside, but I was comfortable. That was one bonus of being dead. I never got cold. But I never felt warm either. I simply…was. I missed feeling heat—the warmth of the sun upon my face in the middle of the day, the warmth of Nika’s skin against mine when she held my hand. There were a lot of things I missed.

  Halina materialized in front of me, a tan animal slung over her shoulders. I blinked in disbelief as she dropped it to my feet. A deer? She brought me…a deer. I looked up at her, horrified. “You want me to drink Bambi?”

  Halina pursed her lips at me. “Blood is blood. The body merely keeps it warm. And drinking this animal is no different than eating its meat. Don’t tell me you’ve never had venison?”

  I remained silent as I stared down into the animal’s lifeless eyes framed in thick, dark eyelashes. My father was a traditional hunter, as well as a vampiric one. He’d taken my sister and me on several expeditions. We’d hunted for sport, and to improve our skills, but we’d always used the meat from the kills—waste not, want not—and I’d had deer on several occasions. But never the blood. Somehow, drinking from the animal instead of eating it changed everything about hunting.

  While Gabriel watched with curious eyes, Halina squatted on the other side of the deer. “Eat, Hunter. You need your strength.”

  Again, her voice pleaded with me, and again, a small part of me wanted to do whatever she asked, whatever would make her happy. I couldn’t do this though. My jaw quivered, and every cell in my body screamed at me to drink the animal while the blood was still warm, but instead, I whispered, “I’m not hungry.”

  Frustrated with me, Halina bared her fangs, then lunged for the creature’s throat. A smell more appealing than anything I’d ever known as a human instantly flooded my senses, overwhelming me. Blood. Fresh blood. It was thick in the air as it gushed out of the hole she’d created in the still creature. I was momentarily grateful that the beast was already dead, and wouldn’t suffer by bleeding out, but that feeling was fleeting. It was instantly replaced by longing so sharp and severe that it pounded through my skull and reverberated down my body. It coalesced in my chest and released into the night as a resonant rumble.

  Lifting her head, Halina smiled at me in encouragement. Blood dripped from her chin. I wanted to catch the drops. I wanted to bend over and lose my stomach. No…yes.

  “Have some, it’s delicious,” she cooed, licking her bottom lip.

  An intrinsic part of me knew she was right; every drop of blood I’d ever had was a delight beyond expectation, beyond reason. But just because the evil was glorious and intoxicating, didn’t mean I would cave. I couldn’t.

  But even as I told myself that, I leaned over the beast. The blood was flowing down its fur now, spilling onto the dusty earth below it. Each drop soaked into the hungry ground. I wanted it to soak into me.

  God, the smell…it was so…

  My breath was heavy as I brought my face to the gaping wound. Just a taste. Could I have just a taste? My tongue dragged over the bloody pool that had formed. My fangs, uncontainable now that I’d had a taste, crashed into place. I groaned as the hot liquid seared my withered tongue. So…good…

  When I pulled my tongue back in to savor the scant collection on the tip, reality crashed into me. I was licking a dead animal. I was growling and groaning over how much I wanted…blood. I had blood on my tongue. I had blood in my body. I was a monster. This was wrong. So very, very wrong.

  Not letting myself swallow the rapturous treat, I spat it out; the ground could have it. Needing to get away from the tantalizing smell surrounding me, assaulting me, I shot to my feet.

  Halina immediately yanked me back down. Smashing my back into the hard rock, she pinned my shoulders to the ground. “Hunter! Stop this and eat.”

  Knowing where this was headed, I pleaded with her, “Don’t make me—please.”

  Her eyes reddened as she leaned over me. “What choice have you left me with?”

  I tried to scramble away from her, but she was so much stronger. Straddling me, she easily held my arms pinned to my sides with her knees. Holding one forearm across my chest, she dragged the carcass over with the other. Even though she was smaller, it was as if she weighed a thousand pounds. I couldn’t remove her, and I couldn’t stop this from happening. Panic set in.

  “I’m not hungry!” My voice was raspy, my need evident. I couldn’t even fool myself with my words. I did want this, I just didn’t want to want it. “I don’t want to be a vampire! I don’t want to drink blood!”

  Furious, she dropped her fangs and snarled, “And I did not want to kill my husband! But life doesn’t always give us what we want, so stop being such a child. Grow up, get over it, and find a new way to live.” Her expression softened, and the redness in her eyes thickened. “Please.”

  I was still shaking my head when she pulled the neck of the creature over me. Her icy hand came up to hold my head and open my jaw. I could do nothing. As the sweetness poured into my mouth, I clawed at the dirt, both wanting to get away and wanting to pull the animal closer. As my mouth filled, I sputtered and choked on the liquid. I was so panicked by what was happening that it didn’t occur to me to spit it out or simply let it run out of my mouth by not swallowing. Then again, maybe it was the starved vampire inside of me that just wouldn’t hear of that option. For whatever reason, my body instinctively swallowed without my permission. My eyes widened as the ambrosia coated my aching throat. My stomach rose in protest, and nausea roiled through me in waves. Even so, my mouth was filling again, and I couldn’t stop the contraction of my throat any more than I could remove Halina from me. My eyes stung, and the thick moisture of bloody tears ran down my cheeks as I swallowed a third time.

  Halina looked just as affected as me as she held the creature to my lips. “I take no joy from this, but you must eat. And you’re doing very well,” she murmured, her voice shaky.

  Mouth full of hot, sweet blood, I could only whimper in response. So much of the creature’s life-force had been spilled with Halina’s initial bite, that only one small mouthful was left. I swallowed it down and closed my eyes as my vision swam and my stomach threatened to heave. Then I felt the wet fur being dragged across my skin as the wondrous smell was removed from under my nose. I sucked in deep breaths, trying to shake the scent from my mind, but I couldn’t. It was all over me, all around me; I was laced with it.

  A soft hand brushed over my forehead. “Much of that animal was wasted, but that should hold you over…for a bit.” Halina sighed, sounding as exhausted as I was.

  When I felt her weight retreating from my chest, I rolled to my side and curled into a ball. I gagged, dry-heaved, but the blood was too far into my system to remove it now. It was a part of me, making me minutely stronger than I was before, but still not strong enough. Clenching my hands into fists, I smacked the ground muddied by the deer’s blood, then I grabbed my T-shirt and scrubbed my mouth. I needed the blood gone. I needed the smell gone. I needed to be gone. Still dizzy and nauseous, I crawled to my hands and knees, then pulled myself up to a low crouch. Sprinting, I blurred away as fast as I could.

  I hated her for doing this to me again, and yet, when she predictably raced after me, I stopped and waited for her. I couldn’t run. Not for long. I needed her too m
uch. I felt dizzy from the brief jog, and wanted to sink to the ground, never to stand again. Halina searched my eyes, then cupped my face. Unable to hold the weight of my head, I leaned into her palm.

  Compassion and remorse were clear as she spoke in choppy tones. “I am sorry it has to be this way. I am sorry this is hard on you. But you’re so weak. So very weak. Someone could… You could be… I won’t lose you, Hunter.”

  Gabriel came to a stop behind her. His expression wasn’t pleased. Whether that was because his girlfriend was holding me, or because I, yet again, had made Halina force a meal upon me, I wasn’t sure. The air was clearer here, the smell of blood not quite so pungent. It was still a part of me, though, and I needed it removed before it drove me mad.

  My voice barely more than a gust of air, I said, “I need to clean up. Can I please be alone?”

  I hated that I had to ask for privacy, but I knew she would grant it to me if I did, especially now that I’d eaten some. At least for a little while. She nodded as she searched my eyes. “Of course, my love.”

  She tossed her arms around me, squeezing me tight. I was so tired, I collapsed like a ragdoll, but she easily held me upright. Over her shoulder, I locked gazes with Gabriel. His cool look spoke volumes. I could be free from this hellish captivity, from her, if I wanted. I just had to trust him. I just had to return to the ranch.

  When Halina released me, she smoothed my shirt like a child. “We’ll be nearby,” she stated. I nodded at her. I’d already known that. Turning, I walked away at a regular human pace. I couldn’t make myself go any faster. I might have eaten tonight, but it wasn’t nearly enough. If anything, the few mouthfuls I’d had only made the thirst worse. It was easier to go completely without, than to have a small taste of what I was yearning for. And the yearning tightened my throat in disgust.

  Hearing a stream to my right, I trudged toward it. Not caring about anything other than washing away the scent, feel, color, and taste of the blood layering me, I walked right into the water, sank to my knees, and submerged myself. My hearing was muffled under the surging brook; only the sound of rushing water entered my consciousness. I scrubbed my clothes with pebbles from the rock bed, and opened and closed my mouth to rinse my palate. When I felt clean, I dug into the earth to keep myself submerged in the water, then I closed my eyes and took a moment to relish the isolation.

  Holding my breath brought me no pain or anxiety, and the temperature of the water was just as chilled as my skin, so I was comfortable, and I remained submerged for what felt like hours. When a familiar prickling sensation crawled up my spine, I knew it was time to leave. The stinging sensation meant the sun was drawing near. I knew from experience that the feeling would worsen as the sun reached the horizon. It was my body’s version of a sixth sense, warning me about an approaching danger, one of the few dangers vampires had.

  I’d entertained the idea of staying topside for one last sunrise before, but I’d always chickened out and run away at the last minute. And besides, I knew Halina would never allow me to die in such a way. She’d fry to a crisp herself before she’d let that happen.

  Emerging from the stream, water dripping off every inch of me, I felt for her presence. She was close, but I didn’t want to go to her. Well, no, that wasn’t true. I did want to go to her, but I wouldn’t. I needed space today. I needed to think over my options before I succumbed to sleep. Moving close to a rock spire, I began digging my nightly grave. Halina hated sleeping inside the earth, and complained about it nonstop, but it felt right to me. We were monsters; we should be buried.

  When there was enough room for me, I crawled inside and buried myself. The dirt clung to my damp clothes, damp skin, coating me with its gritty protection. Wriggling and digging, I crawled deeper into the earth to hide from the sun. The weight of the world compressed against me, shutting out the air, shutting out the light, but it didn’t bother me. Much like being under the water, I found it peaceful.

  I felt Halina walk over the grave, checking to make sure I was securely buried, then I heard her lovingly whisper, “Goodnight, Hunter,” before phasing away to find her own place to hide.

  The evening flickered through my mind—the horror, the desire. And Gabriel’s words. I can help you. Could he? As the rocks far above me warmed under the light of the rising sun I would never again see, I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t live this way anymore. When I found the courage, I would tell Halina that I wanted to return to the ranch with her. And then Gabriel could begin his work on breaking the bond. Within a few weeks, thanks to his miraculous science, I would be free from Halina.

  Just the thought made me want to weep with joy. And sorrow.

  MY BROTHER WAS happy. I could feel it. Thanks to the emotional bond that Julian and I shared, I could always feel what he was feeling, and for the last few months he’d been in a never-ending state of bliss. It was annoying. Right now, Julian was upstairs in his room, doing homework with the girl he was dating—my best friend, Arianna. They were talking and laughing, and generally doing very little actual homework. I was going to have to help him with it once she left, I just knew it.

  I was in the kitchen with Mom and Dad, helping them make dinner. Tonight, we were having pot roast. While the cooking meat smelled incredible, I wasn’t really looking forward to eating it. I just wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t in the mood for a lot lately. Like listening to Julian flirt. That I definitely could have gone without.

  Standing beside the kitchen sink, I started peeling a huge pile of carrots. Even though I could have used my enhanced speed to peel, slice, and dice the vegetable in a matter of seconds, I took my time. Doing things at a normal, human pace had been drilled into me since birth. On occasion, I sometimes forgot that I could move super-sonically. But tonight, the regular pace was soothing. Somewhat.

  While long orange strands of carrot flesh piled up in the sink, Arianna’s giggling intensified. I wasn’t sure what the heck Julian was doing to her, but it was clearly making her happy, and I was already wishing it would stop. Just when I was debating snapping at him to get to work, since they were supposed to be studying, Arianna squealed, “Julian, stop tickling me!”

  Ugh. How long were my parents going to let this non-studying continue? Mom was stirring a pot of blood on the stove, while Dad watched her. The smile on Dad’s face was calm and peaceful as he leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his crisp blue dress shirt; he didn’t seem to be concerned at all that Julian was slacking off on his schoolwork.

  Julian and Dad were startlingly similar, with jet-black hair and sky blue eyes. It was a deadly combination; Arianna constantly told me it was her undoing. She’d even jokingly told me once that my family’s signature blue eyes made her want to have an Adams baby one day. Thankfully, that “day” was a long way off. Arianna and my brother weren’t even technically boyfriend and girlfriend yet, and Arianna had no intention of sleeping with him until they were. While I thought that was pretty smart of her, the delay was a huge blessing for me; I didn’t like thinking about my brother having sex, and I definitely didn’t want to emotionally experience him doing it. I didn’t think I’d survive it. Just feeling him make out was bad enough.

  Mom paused in her task to smile at Dad. Looks-wise, I took after her with warm brown eyes and wavy brown hair. It seemed a less dramatic combination than Julian and my dad shared, but it certainly worked for Mom; she was gorgeous. And I’d been told I was pretty, even by people outside of my family. A boy once told me I was beautiful, but I didn’t like to think about that. Or him.

  Dad had a small smile on his face while he gazed at Mom; he usually did when he was looking at her. You’d think the novelty of being around each other would have worn off after the first decade or so, but not for my parents. They still acted like teenagers in love, still hopelessly head over heels for each other. For as long as I could remember, I’d wanted that. I’d wanted a boy to look at me with as much love and adoration as my parents had for each other. I’d longed for it. And,
for a split-second, I’d thought I’d had it, or was close to having it, but it had slipped away from me. No, it had been forcibly ripped away from me. And I still couldn’t get over it. I didn’t think I ever would.

  Trying to ignore the laughter upstairs, and Julian’s buoyant mood, I returned my concentration to the carrots. While I went about my work, Mom grabbed glasses from a cupboard and poured some steaming blood for her and Dad. The smell of the warm liquid in the air made my mouth water. I didn’t need blood like my parents did, but it was still the most incredible thing on Earth. Better than pizza, better than chocolate, better than a kiss from a boy. Well, almost better.

  Dad took the blood from Mom, thanking her with a peck on the cheek. Mom clinked glasses with him before taking a sip. When the beautiful red liquid slipped past their lips, their fangs dropped. It was a reaction none of us could control. We normally held our teeth in twenty-four-seven, but the moment a speck of blood touched our tongues, our teeth were impossible to contain. Mom and Dad made satisfied noises as they closed their eyes and enjoyed their plasma.

  Seeing and hearing so much contentment around me almost made me want to leave the house, walk down to Jacen and Starla’s place or something, but I knew I wouldn’t. For one, Jacen and Starla were just as content—the aging, mixed-blood vampire who played my mother was very happy with her seemingly younger, undead, mixed-blood boyfriend. Secondly, Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me leave right before dinner. But aside from those facts, the real reason I wouldn’t go out for a walk was because I knew I’d be tempted to walk by his place. And I tried not to do that. It hurt too much.

  I started chopping the peeled carrots while my parents drank their meals and chatted about their mutual workplace—Mom was Dad’s assistant, a fact they both found amusing. As Dad teasingly told Mom that he would like his secretary to start making him “Bloody” Marys in the morning, the sound of laughter upstairs faded away, and heavy breathing and lip-smacking took its place.