Thoughtful Read online

  I watched Denny and Kiera the entire time I danced with Anna. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, Anna leaned up to my ear and told me she had to use the ladies’ room. I nodded, and watched as she sashayed through the crowd. When I glanced back at Kiera, she was alone. My heart leaped into my throat as I looked around for Denny. He’d just left her side; he seemed to be headed for the bar, or maybe going to step outside for some fresh air. It was hot in here. A horrible idea surged through my brain, and I was pushing my way through the crowd before I could stop it. I’d been torturing myself all night watching Kiera, and I just wanted my arms around her. I just wanted one dance…that was it.

  Her back was to me when I finally broke through the crowd. I glanced back at Denny, but he’d already rounded the corner and was out of sight. I knew this was stupid. I knew we could easily get caught, but I also knew I couldn’t stop myself. I needed her.

  Immersed in the song, Kiera was oblivious to my presence. She knew it was me the instant I touched her though. Still behind her, I stepped close and ran my hand up her shirt until my palm was on her stomach. She was warm and soft and smelled amazing. I could feel her muscles contract as she stiffened under my touch; she didn’t pull away though. I pulled her back into my hip, and moved our bodies together. It felt so right, so natural, but so wrong too. If Denny or Anna saw us like this…it would be the end of everything.

  A bead of sweat formed on her skin and ran down her shoulder blades. I wanted it. I wanted to taste her skin, have my mouth upon her sweetness. I shouldn’t, but then again, I did a lot that I shouldn’t, and I couldn’t resist her anymore. Brushing some stray hair aside, I bent down and touched my tongue to her heated skin. She shuddered, and I dragged my tongue up her spine to the back of her neck. Wanting more, I gently scraped my teeth against her skin in a playful bite. It sent shock waves of desire through me. It seemed to do the same to Kiera. She melted against me. One of her hands covered mine, the other wrapped around to touch my hip. Her back rested against my chest, and her head dropped back. She wanted this.

  My hand on her stomach moved down to her jeans. I wished I could undo them, feel the soft skin underneath. Kiera interlaced our fingers and clenched my hand, like she wanted that too. My breath increased as we moved together. She felt so good in my arms. I wanted her…so much. Please Kiera, let me do this. Let me love you.

  When her hand on my hip ran down my thigh and her head started turning toward me, I almost thought she could hear my mental urging. Yes, please. Kiss me. Now. Not able to take her slow, teasing movements, I grabbed her chin and pulled her mouth to mine. I was sure she was going to pull away the moment we touched. I was sure she was going to haul off and slap me. But…she didn’t. Her lips attacked mine with a voraciousness that betrayed how much she’d missed me. I whimpered with how much I needed her, needed this. I didn’t even care who might be watching anymore. Her body was all that mattered. This connection was all that existed.

  Our lips parted and my tongue felt her mouth. She spun in my arms, tossed her hands into my hair, and clung to me with every inch of her. God, I’d never felt such passion and desire. It was even more intense than our time together in the espresso stand. I wanted to lay her down, wanted to explore every inch of her, but there was no room here.

  I was nearly gasping for breath as I ran my hands up her shirt. Her bare skin under my fingertips was heaven. Pure, blissful heaven. I needed more, so much more. My body was hard, straining. I wanted her to feel it, wanted her to know what she did to me. Our kiss still fast and frantic, I ran my hand down her backside, around to her thigh. I lifted her leg around my hip so she could feel me as our sensitive parts lined up. Groaning, she pulled apart from me. I thought she might leave now, but she didn’t. Resting her head against mine, she panted as she stared at me. Then…she started unbuttoning my shirt.

  Holy fuck. She was undressing me in the middle of a packed crowd of strangers. Yes, let’s do it here, in front of everyone. Let’s let the world see how much we need each other. Let’s let everyone see us…Anna…Denny. No…we can’t, but God, yes, I want to do this. Where can we go? Somewhere…anywhere…

  As she continued to undress me, I crashed my mouth back down to hers. Yes, take me…I’m yours. We’ll go somewhere private and I’ll make you happy. I’ll make you beg, I’ll make you scream. I’ll make you forget everything but me. You’re all I want. Let me…

  In my fog of desire, I opened my eyes and scanned the room. Women dancing nearby were watching us, but I didn’t care about them. I needed a closet, a bathroom, a coatroom…somewhere with a door that I could close behind us. That was when I spotted Denny weaving his way through the crowd. Fuck. No. Not now. What the hell do I do? Pull Kiera away with me? He’d notice if she was gone. He’d wonder. He’d find out. But I couldn’t stay here any longer.

  Not knowing what else to do, I pushed Kiera back and twisted to blend into the bumping and gyrating crowd. My lips burned with the loss of her, my body ached, but Denny couldn’t see this. He couldn’t catch us. I wouldn’t let that happen. He deserved so much better than walking in on us.

  I found a nearby spot in the jam-packed crowd where I could watch Kiera without her seeing me. Her cheeks were flushed, her breath fast, her eyes blazing with desire. For me. But was that enough for her to leave him? For her to choose me? Hands brushed over my back as girls giggled in my ear, asking me to dance, but I ignored them as I watched the confusion blossom over Kiera’s face. She honestly had no idea why I’d shoved her away from me. She didn’t know what I knew.

  She figured it out two seconds later when Denny approached her from behind. She spun to face him and I held my breath. This was it, the moment of truth. She was either going to fess up to him right now and tell him she had feelings for me, or she was going to brush aside what had happened between us. Again. And I would know, without a doubt, that I really didn’t mean as much to her as she meant to me.

  I was almost too scared to watch what she would do, but I couldn’t turn away either. Please tell him you want me. Please come find me. Please choose me, Kiera. Please. Mere seconds passed before she acted, but within those seconds, a lifetime of hope blossomed within me. I’d gotten through to her. She was going to do it.

  The brief hope evaporated the moment her hands grabbed Denny’s face and pulled his lips down to hers. I felt like I’d been socked in the gut with a concrete two-by-four. Multiple times. I couldn’t breathe as I watched her attack him. He seemed startled by her assault at first, but he eagerly returned her affections once he recovered. I didn’t blame him. She was kissing him with no reservations, no inhibitions, just pure, undiluted desire. It was the same way she’d been kissing me just a few minutes ago. How could she do that to me? How could she switch gears so fast? Or had she? Was she still kissing me right now, in her head? Had I just turned her on, then handed her to my best friend? Oh…God…

  Much to my continued horror, they broke apart for a split second, but only so she could lean up and whisper something into his ear. Whatever it was, by the look on Denny’s face, it was something he wanted. He wrapped his arm around her waist, flashed his eyes around the club, then started leading her through the crowds. Fuck, were they leaving? Did she ask him to take her home? To…to…

  I couldn’t even finish that thought.

  As she stepped away from me, I stepped toward her. No. No, this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. We’d had such a profound connection on that dance floor. She was supposed to have an epiphany, realize how much she loved me, leave him…and go home with me. She was supposed to choose me. Why did she never choose me?

  They were hurrying out of my sight. Panic made me continue to weave through the crowd, following them. They couldn’t go home together. They couldn’t…not while she was so riled up. Over me. I’d turned her on to the point where she was bursting. She’d nearly stripped me on the dance floor, she’d wanted me so much. That had to mean something. But she was still leaving with him. Why the hell was she sti
ll leaving with him? I wanted to shout her name, tell her to come back, but I was just too afraid to open my mouth. I might be sick if I did.

  “Kellan, there you are!”

  Hands clamped around my arm, holding me in place in the sea of reveling dancers. I looked down at Anna beside me. She was giving me an expression I knew very well—Take me somewhere, anywhere, and I’ll do things to you that you didn’t even know were possible. But Anna wasn’t the one I wanted exploring my body, my soul, and I just didn’t have it in me to return her seductive gaze.

  Keeping my face blank, I leaned down to her ear. “I want to leave. You ready?”

  Her eyes blazed with interest as she nodded. She probably took my question as an invitation, but it wasn’t. I just couldn’t stay in this thumping, pounding, sweaty mess of people anymore. I needed space; I needed to sit somewhere and quietly fall apart.

  “Should we tell Denny and Kiera goodbye?” she asked above the music.

  I shook my head, to answer her and to clear the horrid visual of Kiera kissing Denny from my mind. “They just left.”

  “Without saying goodbye to me? Interesting.” Anna gave me a knowing smirk, like she knew exactly why her sister had taken off without even finding her first. Her smile made me even more nauseous.

  Needing out of that damn club, I grabbed her hand and pulled her through the throngs of people. I purposely avoided following the same path Denny and Kiera had used. I just couldn’t take it. When we got outside, I inhaled deep breaths. It didn’t help clear my head much. I still felt really sick, and there was an ache in my chest that wouldn’t go away. I felt like I was slowly losing my mind.

  From beside me, Anna giggled. I looked over at her, wondering if she could sense the despair emanating from me. She didn’t seem to. Her emerald eyes were fixated on my chest; my shirt was still almost completely unbuttoned. A chill went through me that had nothing to do with the icy wind on my skin. “You get hot in there?” she asked with a playful smile.

  Dropping her hand, I hastily redid the buttons. I didn’t want to be reminded of Kiera’s fingers on my body. Or on Denny’s body, which was probably where they were right now. God, I was going to throw up.

  “Something like that,” I told her as I hurried toward my car; Anna had to run to catch up to me. I noticed the absence of Denny’s car, and I had to hold my hand against my stomach so I didn’t lose it all over the concrete.

  Anna was panting a little when she stepped up to the passenger’s side of my Chevelle. “Where’d you go anyway? When I got back from the bathrooms, you were just…gone.”

  I glanced at her over the top of the car and she shrugged. The image of rubbing up against Kiera’s back leaped uninvited into my head, quickly followed by the image of her mouth all over Denny’s. “Needed a drink,” I muttered, opening the car door.

  Anna’s brow furrowed as I darted inside the safety of my vehicle. I did not want to think about what happened tonight. I did not want to think about what was happening right now. I did not want to think. Period. Anna got into the car while I debated what to do, where to go. We definitely couldn’t go home. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to go back home. Anna looked at where Denny’s car had been parked earlier. She opened her mouth like she was going to make a comment. Knowing it would be something suggestive about Kiera and Denny, I beat her to the punch.

  “Denny and Kiera need…alone time…so how about I take you to a friend’s house…so they can have some privacy?” I was pretty proud of myself for saying it; my voice had only moderately cracked on Kiera’s name.

  Anna was one of those girls who were up for absolutely anything and would easily roll with life’s little changes, so she eagerly nodded as she stretched her long legs out in front of her. Devouring me with her eyes, she stated, “Anything you want to do is fine with me.”

  I paused with my hands on the wheel and looked over at her. She resembled Kiera so much it was painful. Same thick brown hair, same expressive eyes, same curving smile. She was biting on her plump bottom lip, slightly squirming in her seat as she gave me I want you to fuck me eyes. I could have her if I wanted. I could probably take her right here in this crowded parking lot. I could shove the image of Kiera and Denny from my mind by wrapping myself around another woman. I could forget. I just didn’t want to. And…I’d promised Kiera I wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I still owed Kiera anything or not…but, well, I had promised her, and I was going to keep that promise.

  Turning my gaze to the windshield, I muttered, “We’ll go to Matt and Griffin’s house. They won’t mind if we just show up.”

  Anna let out an excited giggle as I pulled the car away from the club.

  Chapter 21

  Avoidance

  Anna spent the car ride either flirting with me or talking about how great Denny and Kiera were. And because I couldn’t ask her not to talk about them, I had to nod and agree with her. By the time we arrived at Matt’s, I was done with my evening.

  I knocked on the front door after seeing both Matt’s and Griffin’s cars in the driveway. I didn’t know what they’d been doing tonight, but hopefully they were coherent enough to help me entertain Anna. She shifted her weight and rubbed her arms while she waited. I wasn’t sure if she was actually cold or if she wanted me to put an arm around her like I had earlier when I’d escorted her into the dance club. I wasn’t in the mood to be gentlemanly though, so I simply stared at the door and left her to her own devices.

  It cracked open a heartbeat later and Matt’s face appeared in the opening. He didn’t seem surprised to see me; I often showed up with no warning. He simply said, “Hey,” and opened the door all the way. As Anna and I stepped through, Matt raised his hand in greeting to her. He looked around for Kiera and Denny, but not seeing anyone else, he shut the door.

  “You have any beer?” I asked him.

  He nodded toward the kitchen in answer. I turned to leave, then looked back at Anna. I supposed I should be cordial. “You want one?”

  Anna was busy taking in Matt and Griffin’s home, but she paused to look at me when I asked my question. “I’d love one,” she responded, her eyes trailing down my body. I resisted the urge to sigh. I just did not feel like being checked out right now.

  Matt extended his hand to the living room for Anna while I headed into the kitchen. While I was walking, I heard Griffin’s voice floating down the hallway. “Who the hell is here? And when the hell are we going to that party at Rain’s? We shoulda just headed straight there from Pete’s, like Evan did. But, no, pissy boy needed to come home and change. Pansy. It’s not like I knocked that beer into your lap on purpose!”

  I smirked, knowing Griffin wouldn’t leave the house again once he realized Anna was here. He probably wouldn’t leave her lap. Opening Matt’s fridge, I found a pack of beer that I liked and grabbed a couple of bottles for Anna and me. Popping open the tops, I headed back out to the living room. As predicted, Griffin was all over Anna. Standing well inside her personal space, he was smiling down at her and playing with a strand of her bright red hair.

  Not really wanting to interrupt them, I handed Anna her bottle as casually as I could. She still turned and looked at me though. “Thank you, Kellan.”

  She winked at me and Griffin frowned. If he didn’t get into her pants tonight, I’d never hear the end of it. And if he did get into her pants tonight, I’d never hear the end of it. I was fucked either way. And I really didn’t give a shit. Wanting alone time with my bottle, I collapsed on the far end of the couch.

  Matt looked at me, then at Griffin. “We were just about to head out. You guys want to come?”

  I shook my head—I did not want to go hang out with a bunch of random drunk people. I wanted to stay here, sipping on my beer in solitude. Or as close to solitude as I could currently get.

  Before I could vocalize my objection, Griffin piped up. “Nah, let’s bag that shit. Here’s cool.” His eyes returned to Anna’s chest. Anna looked over at me, maybe for guidance, since we were
kind of together tonight, but I ignored her and stared at the condensation droplets on my sweaty bottle. Was Kiera sweaty right now? Oh God…why did I have to think that?

  When Anna spoke, she didn’t seem bothered in the slightest that I was being an uncommunicative date. “Sounds like fun. I’d love to keep dancing though. Can you turn on some music?”

  I watched Matt shrug and grab the remote to his sound system. Thumping bass hit me a minute later and I almost put my hands over my ears. God, I never wanted to listen to club music again.

  Matt turned on the TV to some sports recap, minus the sound, and sat back into his chair. His foot on his knee rocking with the music, he alternated between halfheartedly watching the television and watching Anna and Griffin. Anna laughed and giggled, drinking her beer and bumping her hip into Griffin’s. She extended her hand to me a few times, like she wanted me to join them, but I always dropped my eyes. Not tonight.

  She stopped trying after a while and fully gave herself over to the D-Bag desperately trying to get her attention. When I was halfway through my second beer, they were halfway down each other’s throats. Still laughing and giggling, Anna scratched and clawed at Griffin in a way that only amplified my pain. That had been Kiera earlier, when she’d been ardently attacking me. Undressing me. Wanting me. God, why did she go home with him?

  Inevitably, Griffin pulled Anna toward the hallway, toward his bedroom. She went willingly, with a huge smile on her face. She didn’t even look my way when she took off to be with another man. Wasn’t that fitting? Everybody else in the world was having sex tonight but me. And Matt. But he didn’t seem as pissed about that as I was.