Undeniable Rush Page 5

  Myles’s lips compressed as he shook his head. “I know you want to act like having a baby won’t change your life, but the truth is—it’s going to change your life. It’s not just you anymore. And the doctor was right—racetracks are messy, and dirty, and smelly, and loud. It’s no place for a baby. You shouldn’t be going to events.”

  My eyes widened as shock went through me. Not go to events…? The shock was quickly followed by icy truth. God…of course she shouldn’t be going to events. Everything Myles had just said was absolutely true. Shit. She was my best mechanic—my mechanic. I couldn’t even imagine someone else touching my bike. It was hers, and hers alone. What the hell were we going to do?

  Nikki still didn’t seem to want to accept her situation. Raising her chin, she stubbornly said, “I’ll leave the baby with my mom. Problem solved. I’m not missing Cox Racing’s first year back.” She pointed a finger at me. “I’m not missing Kenzie’s first year back.”

  I was warmed by her loyalty, but even I knew she wouldn’t be able to leave her baby. Not in the beginning, not when it was only a few weeks old. Putting a smile on my face, even though I suddenly felt hollow inside, I tenderly put my hand on her shoulder. “Nik…you can’t leave a newborn behind.”

  Rounding on me, her face a mixture of fury, resentment and fear, she snapped, “For a weekend? I think I can handle that.”

  I exchanged a look with Myles. He understood. He knew Nikki better than she knew herself, and while she wasn’t excited about this pregnancy, wasn’t embracing the changes in her life…her heart was pure gold. Once that baby was born, nothing else in the world was going to matter to her. Not even me.

  With a sigh, Myles gently turned her to face him. “It’s not just a weekend, Nikki, and you know that. How are you going to work at the track with a baby? The garage isn’t safe for a child either. You should both be home. Together.”

  Nikki narrowed her eyes at him, but they were misty with tears now. “And how am I supposed to live, Myles? I need to work. I have bills to pay.” Her voice hitched with emotion.

  Myles swallowed, clearly hating her turmoil. Shaking his head, he softly said, “I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. All I do know is that the baby shouldn’t go to events, shouldn’t spend all day at the track. And I have a feeling, when it’s time, and you meet the little guy…or girl…you won’t be able to leave him or her.” His eyes intensified as they shifted to me. “We should have a plan ready, so when that day comes, Cox Racing isn’t screwed.”

  The knot in my throat was almost impossible to push down. I was losing her. Maybe just temporarily…but maybe not. She could easily choose to never come back, to get a different job that was more in line with raising an infant…start a daycare or something. And with everything else in my life feeling so topsy-turvy, it was almost more than I could take. But I had to be strong, for her sake. Because she was barely holding on.

  Nodding at Myles, I pulled Nikki in for a hug. “It’s all going to be okay, Nik. I promise.”

  ***

  CHAPTER 4

  When Nikki and I got back into her car, an unnatural silence filled the space with tension. I wanted to break it somehow, fill the sadness with laughter, but I just didn’t know how. Myles drove away while we sat there, and Nikki watched him go with her keys clenched in her hand.

  Wanting to redirect her thoughts—somehow—I tentatively asked a question. “So…did the doctor have any good news for you?” I half-cringed after asking, anticipating the question might make her upset again.

  Nikki sighed, then a small smile brightened her expression. “Well…we were able to hear the heartbeat, and he gave us a picture of the baby.”

  Opening her purse, she grabbed a small photo from the bag and handed it to me. The grainy black and white image was unmistakable, and my eyes instantly watered. “Oh my God… There really is a little life growing in there,” I murmured, a little mystified by it all.

  Nikki laughed as she stared at the photo in my hands. “Yep…no denying it now. He said the baby is due in April…”

  Glancing up at her, I quietly said, “We should go to the track and talk to John and my dad. The more time we have to find someone…the better.”

  Nikki lifted her tired eyes to mine. “Yeah…okay.” Looking around the lot, she asked, “Do you want to go get your bike first?”

  Feeling like she’d fall apart if I left her alone, I shook my head. “No, I’ll get a ride with Hayden later. Let’s just get going.” Before she changed her mind.

  Myles was already at the track when we got there, talking to Hayden in the garage. From the look on Hayden’s face, it was clear Myles was telling him the bad news—we were losing Nikki. Temporarily. I had to remember that this wasn’t a permanent problem. Nikki would come back to me. Come back to us.

  A groan left Nikki’s lips when she saw Myles and Hayden deep in conversation. “Everyone’s going to know by the end of the day,” she said.

  “It’s best that they do, Nik. You’re not just my personal mechanic, you’re the head mechanic for Cox Racing—the heart of the crew, the one who keeps everything running smoothly. We all need to get used to the idea that you’re not going to be there.” To stave off an emotional outburst, I quickly added, “For a little bit.”

  Nikki pursed her lips but didn’t comment. I took that as a good sign.

  When we stepped up to Myles and Hayden, Hayden gave Nikki a sympathetic smile. “Myles just told me the news… Sorry, Nik. I know you didn’t want to miss anything this season.”

  She looked between all of us, irritation and sadness on her face. “It’s just a precaution. I don’t plan on missing anything.”

  The small smile remained plastered on Hayden’s face, but his eyes broadcasted his disbelief. Having helped Izzy raise Antonia, he knew from experience how much a baby could change your priorities.

  Giving Hayden a sly, I agree with you smile, I turned to Nikki. “I’ll be in my office with John and my dad when you’re ready, Nik.”

  Her eyes pleaded with me to reconsider, but eventually she nodded, then started trudging to the locker room to put away her stuff. Myles watched her leave for a minute, then turned to me. “I’m gonna make sure she’s okay. This is really hard on her.”

  Seeing an opportunity, I briefly grabbed his arm to stop him. “The way you’ve been acting has also been hard on her.”

  Myles blinked, like he truly had no idea what I was talking about. “Me? All I’ve been is helpful.”

  “All you’ve been is overbearing. She doesn’t need another father right now, she needs her best friend.”

  Myles tossed his hand into the air, annoyed. “She’s living in denial, Kenzie. She doesn’t want to do anything she’s supposed to be doing.”

  “She’s adjusting,” I said, shaking my head. “And you need to give her time to adjust. You and I both know that she will do everything in her power to put that baby first…when she’s ready.” Softening my expression, I put a hand on his arm. “Just stop being a douche. That’s all I’m asking.”

  Hayden laughed into his hand, and Myles finally cracked a smile. “Okay… I’ll stop being a douche and try to relax more.”

  “Thank you.” My grin was bright and cheery, and Myles shook his head at me before following after Nikki.

  When Hayden and I were alone, he turned to me with concerned eyes. “You okay with this news? I know how much you rely on Nikki.” He sighed. “After how amazing she was as my mechanic last year, I know I’m kind of freaking out.”

  Closing my eyes, I fought through a sudden bout of panic. What was I going to do? I shook my head as I looked at him. “Honestly, I think I’m still too in shock to really process it. I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me when she first told me.”

  Hayden gently grabbed my hands. “Maybe it did, and you just didn’t want to think about it. But even though it sucks, it’s still a good thing, you know?”

  “Yeah…” Remembering my feelings at the doctor’s off
ice, I chewed on my lip, then asked, “Is that something you want…one day? Kids?”

  Hayden’s eyebrows rose, then his smile grew. “Well, it’s no secret that I love kids…so…yeah, when the time is right, I’d love to have children.” From the way his gaze softened with adoration, I knew he meant he’d love to have them with me.

  Heat flushed my cheeks, and I felt a swell of love from deep inside me. It helped wash away the ache of his past betrayal with the promise of his future commitment. A part of me wanted to tell him right then and there that I was ready to move faster—a lot faster—but with how my moods tended to a spin on a dime recently, I knew I needed to be moderate with my decisions. I didn’t want to hurt him—or myself—by being rash. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t still move forward…

  Stroking my thumbs along his hands, I felt my nerves spike and my heartbeat quicken. “I, um, need a ride back to my bike after work.”

  Hayden looked confused as he studied my reaction. He probably didn’t understand why this was making me nervous. He would soon. “Sure, of course.”

  Expecting that answer, I was already nodding. Avoiding his eyes, I quietly said, “And I was hoping, maybe after we got my bike…you and I could go get something to eat? And…take it back to my house?”

  I flashed my gaze up to his eyes, so I could see his reaction, and was rewarded with a brilliant smile. “I would love that, Kenzie,” he said, his voice soft with caring.

  A thrill went up my spine. Even though we’d been together for a while now, somehow it felt like we were making a first date. But even still, my stomach was tight, and my muscles were rock hard, like I was waiting for an actual, physical blow to the gut. With a conscious effort, I forced my body to relax. Just like Nikki’s pregnancy, Hayden and I, we were a good thing.

  Grinning, I told him, “Good. Well, I should go find my dad, but I’ll catch up with you later.”

  I reluctantly stepped away from him, and he reluctantly let me, holding hands until the last possible moment. But when our connection was finally severed, Hayden’s tender voice stopped me in my tracks. “Hey, Kenzie?” Pausing, I looked back at him over my shoulder. He had his hands in his pockets, and his heart on his sleeve. “Do you…want kids? One day?”

  A slight grimace marred his features, like he wasn’t sure if he should be asking me that question or not. My heart thumped in my chest, but it was a good thud—an eager thud. Walking back over to him, I laced my arms around his neck. “Yes… I do.” It felt oddly amazing to say those two words to him—I do—and I felt the pockets of resistant hurt inside me being slowly chipped away.

  His lips came down to mine, and we sealed our desires for the future with a kiss, and somehow, I knew, this particular kiss would stay with me for the rest of my life.

  * * *

  Gathering John and my dad took more time than I thought it would, and Nikki was waiting in my office when I returned with them. Her lips lifted in a reluctant smile when we walked through the door, and I returned the sad sentiment. None of us really wanted to do this.

  I hadn’t told John or my dad why I wanted a meeting, so they were naturally confused when I shut the door on the four of us. “What’s going on, Mackenzie?” Dad asked. Then his eyes strayed to my desk. It was nearly overflowing with paperwork. Bills I was trying to sort out, records on all my riders, forms for the various events, suggested travel itineraries, supply requests from the crew, quotes from painters and builders for my seemingly endless renovation of the Cox garages, and so much more. There was barely any free space on my desk anymore, and every day, more crap seemed to appear. The clutter grated against my need to be neat and tidy. Just walking in here lately was stressful.

  “Do you need help with any of that?” he asked, indicating the mess. Walking over to the stacks, he started examining them.

  Wanting to do as much as I could on my own, I shook my head. “No, there’s a different matter we need to—”

  He cut me off. Lifting a thick wad of papers, he said, “Mackenzie, these are for Daytona. You should get these forms in as soon as possible. Delaying isn’t a good idea.”

  Gritting my teeth, I nodded. “I have plenty of time before the cut off.”

  Setting down the stack, he frowned. “You also have plenty of time to forget. If you need help getting all of this organized, that’s what John and I are here for. Part of being a leader is delegating tasks, especially the difficult ones.”

  I could feel the hackles rising at his choice of words. Difficult? Like I was incapable of filling out paperwork correctly? Sure, the business side of things was still pretty new to me, but I wasn’t an idiot. I could handle it. I could handle everything.

  Ignoring my father, I turned to John, my crew chief and the true second in command here. Jordan Cox was merely a consultant. One I could listen to—or not listen to. The rising tension in the room didn’t seem to faze John at all. He was quite used to my father and me butting heads. “John,” I told him. “Nikki is pregnant, as I’m sure you know, and she’ll be leaving us when the baby is born. Perhaps before…”

  Nikki instantly shot to her feet. “No, I’m not leaving, I’m taking a temporary leave of absence…and even that might not happen.”

  Ignoring her now, I continued explaining. “We need to find someone to replace her.” Nikki loudly cleared her throat, and I grudgingly amended my statement. “We need someone to temporarily replace her.”

  John ran his hand over his chin as he thought. John was just about the same age as my father, and they both had the stern, imposing demeanor down pat. I heard Nikki swallow as his eyes shifted to take her in. “I see,” he said, his grey eyes narrowing. When his eyes returned to me, there was worry in them. “It’s going to take some time to find the right person. True, we’ve got a few months, but I don’t want to leave it to the last minute. Best to acclimate someone new to the team early.”

  “I agree,” I said with a smile. “That’s why I’m telling you now.”

  “This is ridiculous and pointless,” Nikki mumbled, but she said it too low for John or my dad to hear. Deep down she knew it wasn’t stupid. She’d do the same thing in my position.

  John looked over at Jordan. “I’m going to go make some phone calls. I’ve got a couple of contacts over at MMTI. They might have some promising leads—recent graduates, or soon-to-be graduates.”

  My dad nodded at him, and John quickly left the room. It irritated me some that John always looked to my dad for confirmation, like Dad was still in charge. I should sit him down and explain to him how things worked now…once I had some spare time.

  Nikki looked sad as she turned my way. “I guess that’s it then, the clock is ticking.”

  Pursing my lips at her, I said, “Don’t be overdramatic about this. Like I told John, it’s a temporary replacement.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she studied me. “You only added that to appease me. ’Cause let’s face it, this might be permanent. What if you find…someone great?”

  “Then I’ll have two great mechanics on the team.” Thinking a moment, I added, “And Kevin.”

  Nikki laughed at my joke, then hugged me. “I better get back to work while I still have a job.”

  She started to leave, but my dad stopped her. “Nikki…a moment.”

  Her back was to my father, but I saw her close her eyes. I sympathized. Talking to my father, especially when he was disappointed, wasn’t easy. Twisting around, Nikki seamlessly said, “Yes, Mr. Cox?”

  I narrowed my eyes at Dad, warning him to be nice. Dad’s eyes flicked from me to her, then he said, “I’ve been meaning to…congratulate you on the child you’re having with… Myles.” Myles’s name came out with a definite growl to it. “While becoming a parent is a daunting prospect, I have no doubt you will be an excellent mother.”

  Nikki seemed shocked that he had anything positive to say on the matter. I was a little surprised too, and I had a feeling the same words wouldn’t have been spoken if Myles were in the room. “Um…thank
you.”

  Looking a little dazed, she glanced back at me, then headed out the open door. As she left, Dad muttered, “Now Myles…that’s a completely different story.”

  I rolled my eyes at his comment. “Remember what I said—be nice to him. You don’t need to berate him for his mistake. He’s already well aware he messed up. And Nikki’s aware of her mistakes, too, since she’s just as much at fault as Myles.”

  Dad raised an eyebrow. “I’m assuming you and Hayden…won’t be following down their reckless footsteps?” He grimaced after he said it, but his expression was nothing compared to mine. Was my father really asking me about my sex life? If I told him how slow Hayden and I were taking things, he’d probably be relieved. Not that I’d ever tell him.

  “Uh, we’re…” Closing my eyes, I held up my hand. “You don’t need to worry about us.”

  When I opened my eyes, Dad was nodding, his expression thoughtful. I almost wanted to ask him what he was thinking about, and it had been a long time since I’d been curious. The bridge spanning the gap between us was thin-bare and rickety, like it could collapse at any moment.

  Clearing his throat, Dad changed the feeling in the air by saying, “Your sisters…and I…enjoyed having dinner with you and Hayden. They’d like…we would like, to make it a more frequent thing.” His eyes got a faraway look. “Time has a horrible way of sneaking up on you…”

  Shaking his head, he returned his gaze to me. The usual steel in his blue eyes seemed softened, flexible—vulnerable. It was odd to see him that way. “Yeah…no, that sounds good. Let’s do it.” Glancing at the mountain of responsibility on my desk, I wondered if I’d be able to honor that agreement.

  Dad looked over at my desk too, and I could almost see him biting his tongue. He gave me a tight smile instead, then turned to leave. He was almost through the door when his willpower dissolved.

  With a sigh, he looked back at me. “I know you don’t want to hear this, Mackenzie, especially from me, but you agreed to let me consult, so that is what I’m going to do. And for my first piece of advice…unless you want Cox Racing to go bankrupt in the next six months…again…” he paused to cringe, “…then I’d start working on lining up some sponsors. Some big sponsors. The few you have right now won’t carry you far. Trust me.”