The Beast Within Read online

  Once everyone was done cheering for Grandpa, they all looked at me. Sympathy oozed out of my brother, and all I saw in my parents’ eyes was concern. Not able to stand it one second longer, I blurred to the front door. Opening it, I waited, and counted. Long seconds breezed by as Halina and Hunter streaked even closer to me. My heart hammered in my chest when they were almost upon me. Oh God, was I ready for this? Trembling, I closed my eyes.

  “Someone holding the door open for me. Now that’s what I call service.”

  I gasped when I felt Halina’s presence right in front of me. My vision blurry with tears, I made myself open my eyes and focus my gaze solely on her. “Hi, Grandma.” I forced a smile to my face, but it felt just that—forced.

  Halina’s long black hair was loose and wild around her body. She smirked at me, then tossed her arms around me. “Good evening, Nika.” She sighed a little as she held me tight. “It’s been too long.”

  Pulling back from her chilly embrace, I risked a glance outside. Gabriel was right behind Halina, but no one else. He was staying back, in a clump of trees, out of sight. He’d come all this way, and he wasn’t going to come in, wasn’t going to say hello. He was hiding. Still. My heart fell to the floor.

  Fighting back the pain, I nodded in response to Halina’s statement. “Yes, it has been.” I scanned the palely lit landscape where I felt Hunter, looking in vain for some trace of movement in the trees. But all was still…cold and empty. It made me rethink my earlier assessment of the moon. Maybe it was better to drown out the desolate moonlight with garish incandescence.

  Halina and Gabriel stepped into the house while I waited at the wide-open door, reluctant to close it on Hunter. Mom and Dad appeared at the entryway to give their greetings to the long-gone pair, along with Alanna and Imogen. Halina squealed when she hugged her daughter; all of us had missed her, but Halina and Imogen were usually inseparable, and the distance had been particularly trying on them.

  The comparatively slower humans—Grandma Linda and Grandpa Jack— walked into the foyer with Julian, and even more merriment went around the room. My heart sank as I realized Hunter really wasn’t going to come inside. He hadn’t rushed here to see me. He hadn’t missed me. Feeling my despair, Julian paused in hugging Halina, and mouthed, I’m sorry.

  Either Halina heard Julian or understood his look, because she glanced back at me still holding the door open. Studying my desolate face, she asked, “Waiting for Hunter?” The way she said his name was oddly affectionate, like the way she said her daughter’s name. I shook my head, then wiped a betraying tear from my cheek. Halina tilted her head at my conflicting reaction, then pointed to the clump of trees where we all felt him. “He didn’t want to come inside just yet. He said he needed a minute.”

  I looked toward the woods again, but I still saw nothing to give away a lurking vampire. I strained my enhanced ears, but I didn’t hear him either. Hunter was being exceedingly quiet. I wanted to call out to him, beg him to come inside and see me, but the fact that he was hiding hurt too much. I couldn’t speak. I merely shrugged and walked back into the entryway, like it was of no consequence to me.

  Halina saw right through my bravado. Glancing at the walls separating Hunter from us, she stated, “Don’t worry, he will come inside when he’s ready. He won’t be rude by hiding all evening long.” The irritation in her voice was unmistakable.

  A tired, sullen voice answered her. “I’m not hiding. I just wanted some air.” Hearing Hunter’s voice again sent an electric shock through me. It was so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. I wanted to run over and comfort him, but I didn’t want to forgive him so easily for disappearing. And a part of me wanted him to come to me first. I needed to see that he’d missed me…like I’d missed him.

  Halina smirked at Hunter’s remark. “A three-hundred-mile jog through the countryside wasn’t enough air for you?”

  His face impassive, Gabriel stated in a detached voice, “You said you would try, Hunter.”

  As quick as taking a breath, Hunter blurred into the room. “I am trying.”

  Halina beamed at her “child’s” appearance, and Gabriel let out a small sigh as he glanced at her. Dad tensed, like he thought Hunter was immediately going to start attacking us, and Julian’s concern for me skyrocketed. The crack inside my chest split wider as I stared at the man in front of me. Hunter Evans. He was really here. Finally, after all this time, I was looking at him again. And he looked…awful. He was thinner than I remembered. Gaunt almost. He had deep circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in ages, and he was pale. I’d been expecting that, since he hadn’t seen the sun in a long time, but this was an unhealthy pale. Sickly. His dark hair was dull, lifeless, his sexy stubble unkempt. He was dirty, his clothes stained in reddish-brown dirt. Everything about him was off, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d assume I was staring at a man with only a few months left to live. He used to be so confident, so sure of himself. He was a shadow now, a shell of a person, and seeing him this way scared the crap out of me.

  Rushing up to him, I almost touched his cheeks before stopping myself. He might run away if I was too aggressive. “Are you okay? You look…” Dad hissed my name, warning me to keep my distance.

  Hunter glanced at Dad, then blinked at me with slow, languid, empty eyes. “I’m fine.”

  I searched his body, then his face, looking for some clue as to what might be the cause for his unsettling appearance. Only one thing came to mind. “No, you’re not…you’re starving.”

  Hunter shrugged, like it was no big deal. I couldn’t help but wonder how long ago he’d eaten. If he’d run here, he’d been keeping his strength up somewhat, but who knew how long ago his last meal had been. Angry, my eyes flashed to Halina. “I thought you were making sure he fed.”

  Her eyes narrowed into dangerous pinpoints. “I am doing my best, but he’s extraordinarily stubborn.” She locked eyes with Hunter, and her expression softened. “I have had to do several unpleasant things to get him to eat.”

  Hunter sniffed and wobbled on his feet like he might fall over. “Don’t remind me,” he whispered. If I’d thought he’d looked pale before, it was nothing compared to how he looked now, and I couldn’t help but wonder just what Halina had done to get him to drink. Fixing his haunted expression, Hunter stared toward the kitchen. “It smells like blood in here…and…cake.” He made a disgusted face, and I wasn’t sure which food source repelled him more.

  “It’s Grandpa’s birthday,” I explained. Knowing his answer, but thinking I had to try anyway, I told him, “There’s a lot left over. Do you want something to eat?” Dad took a step toward me, like he thought Hunter might take my words as an invitation to nibble on me.

  Hunter’s eyes flashed to mine. For a second, they blazed with interest. They even settled on the vein in my neck, and he tilted his head like he was listening to my surging heartbeat. I wished I could calm my blood down…for his sake. But seeing him again was making the disobedient organ throb in my chest. “No, I’m not hungry.” He smirked, but then the defeated expression of exhaustion seeped back into his eyes.

  Dad stepped next to me, his face and body full of caution. “When was the last time you ate, Hunter? Starving yourself is dangerous…” his eyes shifted to me, “…for everyone.”

  Still looking utterly despondent, Hunter reiterated, “I said I’m not hungry. I don’t want to eat.”

  My concern for Hunter rivaling my brother’s concern for me, I shook my head. “Not wanting to eat and not being hungry are two very different things, and I can tell that you’re hungry.” Hoping he still cared for me, and trusted me, I held out my hand. “Just try, please…for me?”

  Hunter seemed torn as he stared at my palm. Surprising me, he looked over at Halina and Gabriel for guidance. Gabriel gave Hunter a small nod. Halina looked eager, like she wanted Hunter to eat more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. Maybe I was imagining it, but I could have sworn Gabriel frowned as he glanced between th
em. Ignoring everyone else, Hunter slowly started reaching out for my peace offering. Dad stepped in front of me, stopping our potential connection.

  Hunter blinked then looked up at Dad’s eyes. Tension filled the room as two of the most important men in my life stared each other down. I tried to move around Dad, but he grabbed my hand, holding me in place; his grip was as solid as the cold metal gate guarding the house. Immovable. “Dad,” I whispered. “It’s fine. Let me go.”

  His eyes not leaving Hunter’s, Dad spoke to me over his shoulder. “If he’s underfed, I don’t want him near you.” His attention refocused on Hunter. “If you want to touch her, you eat first.” With his free hand, he pointed down the hallway that led to the kitchen.

  Looking like he was too tired to argue with my father, Hunter dropped his hand and took a weary step toward the front door. Sensing that he was leaving, I broke free from Dad and grabbed Hunter’s elbow. He looked back at me with disheartened eyes, like I had betrayed him for asking him to feed. “Okay. Don’t eat. Just come and sit with us while we have cake. Be a part of our family and help us celebrate a birthday.”

  “Family?” he murmured, his voice cracking.

  I nodded as I stroked his arm. “Yes, we’re your family now, remember? It’s fine if you don’t want to drink, just don’t…leave.”

  Halina surged forward and grabbed his other elbow. Eyes imploring, she begged, “Please, Hunter. I don’t want to go yet, and you know I can’t leave you. I made you a deal. I promised you I wouldn’t force blood upon you again if you agreed to return with me, and I meant it. No one here will make you eat…if you really don’t want to.” Her eyes seemed to age right in front of me as she admitted that. She desperately wanted him to eat.

  Dad objected immediately as he pulled me back into his arms. “There are humans here, Great-Gran. Linda. My father. The children. He could attack them. You can’t let him stay here when he’s starved.”

  Halina’s head snapped to Dad. “This is my home, and if I say he can stay, then he can.” Sighing, she added, “And you don’t need to worry. He won’t harm anyone.” Twisting back to Hunter, she placed a palm on his cheek. “He won’t even bite Bambi.”

  Hunter smirked, and a twinge of jealousy zinged up my spine. They’d had moments together, bonding moments. They even had inside jokes, although, from the look on Hunter’s face, they were morbid jokes. I hated that they had those intimacies, but I understood why they did, so I tried to ignore my feelings.

  With gentle urging, Halina finally coaxed Hunter away from the door and into the hallway that led to the kitchen. When they were gone, I yanked away from Dad. Proving that I was indeed my mother’s daughter, I smacked his arm with all my supernatural strength. “He wasn’t going to hurt me.”

  Irritated, Dad leaned into my face. “You don’t know that…not for sure. He is dangerous. You have to be smart about this, Nika.”

  Bristling, I raised my chin. I was being smart. I wasn’t in danger when it came to Hunter. At least, not when it came to him drinking from me. He still might stake me, he still might shatter my heart into a million pieces, but his thirst wasn’t an issue. I wasn’t in danger from that. “I know what I’m doing.”

  Seeing an epic battle of wills going down, Mom came over and wrapped her arm around me. “Let’s just…finish Grandpa’s birthday party.” She pulled me away from Dad; he followed right behind us.

  When I walked into the dining room, Hunter was standing in front of the table, staring at the remains of our meal, and the cake that Alanna had prepared for everyone who was eating. The scent of blood was strong in the room, my full, untouched glass was cooling in front of my full, untouched plate. Hunter’s eyes were locked on my blood-red glass. He was breathing heavier, his fangs were down, and his entire posture was rigid with tension. He was even leaning forward, ready to pounce, but he didn’t make a move toward the sparkling crystal glass…he just continued to stare at it.

  Halina stood beside him, watching him carefully, waiting to see what he would do. Thinking of removing the glass, removing the temptation, I slowly moved toward my table setting. Hunter’s eyes shifted to track my movement, then they flashed back to the glass, and a low growl cut through the room. He definitely wanted the liquid on the table; he nearly panted as he stared at it.

  Just as my fingers curled around the glass, Halina spoke. “No, leave it there.”

  Reluctantly, Hunter pulled his eyes away to look at Halina. “You said you wouldn’t force me.”

  Halina put a hand on his arm. “And I won’t. But I won’t shelter you either. I won’t sit idly by and watch you be in pain without trying to help you. You need this. I had to carry you most of the way here because you were too weak to run on your own. Eventually you will become so weak you won’t even be able to move. You will atrophy. You will rot. I can’t bear that thought, so I will keep trying to make you okay with what you are. Because you’re my child, and I love you.”

  An irrational irritation swept through me at hearing Halina address him so tenderly. She loved him? Keeping my eyes focused on Hunter, I again pushed away the jealousy blossoming in my chest. They had a bond that he and I would never have, but I didn’t need to be upset about it. Shifting my course, I sat down at the table and waited for Alanna to pass out cake. I didn’t want it, but I would gladly eat it if it gave Hunter an excuse to be close to me. I patted the seat beside me, but Hunter was glued in place and didn’t move an inch. Dad sat next to me instead. I rolled my eyes at him but didn’t press the matter. If I pushed Dad any harder, Julian and I would be in the car, heading back home before the night was through, and there was nowhere else I wanted to be other than right here by Hunter’s side.

  Alanna passed out the plates while everyone sat at the table and tried to act like Hunter grunting and huffing at the far end was perfectly natural. Everyone with cake slices started digging into their food, and tense conversations bubbled up. Halina wanted to know what everyone had been up to recently. Her eyes rarely left Hunter though. Mine either. He was just standing and staring, but the turmoil was clear on his features—he wanted to sit and drink…he wanted to run away. A whimpering sound escaped him. It broke my heart. It was so painful to watch him in such distress. I ached for him. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to help him.

  My words barely audible, I whispered, “Stop hurting yourself, Hunter. Just drink it.”

  He blinked and inhaled, like he was waking from a trance. He took a step toward the table and all conversations stopped, all eyes turned toward him. Halina partially rose from her chair, eagerness and trepidation on her face. Dad tensed like he was preparing for battle.

  Looking at all of us, Hunter cleared his throat; his body shook with restraint. “I appreciate the…invitation, but…I’m really tired. I’d like to rest now.” His eyes locked on Halina. “Please.”

  Halina sagged back into her chair as she nodded. Her expression was just as exhausted as Hunter’s, like she had no idea what to do about his refusal to eat anymore. Standing, Gabriel stepped forward and extended his arm toward the hallway. “I’ll show you to your room.”

  Fearing I might never see him again, I scooted free from the table and blurred to Hunter’s side. Dad growled at me, but didn’t drag me back. “You won’t leave, right?” I asked, my vision hazy. “Just tell me that you’re not going to run away again.”

  A trace of a smile lightened Hunter’s fatigued expression. “Nika,” he murmured, “I’ve missed you.” The smile dropped from his lips as he turned away. “I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere else for me to go.” His sentence should have lifted my heart, but the grief on his face and the despair in his voice broke me. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as he walked away.

  I’d believed that his coming to the ranch was a hopeful sign, a sign that he was beginning to accept who and what he was. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. His relenting and coming here, being carried here, was in truth a sign of defeat. Hunter was giving up. He was slowly and surely los
ing the will to go on. Like Halina, I had no idea what to do for him. And it scared me to death.

  Everyone started talking about Hunter after he left the room with Gabriel. Grandma Linda was concerned about Hunter losing control and going on a rampage, Dad debated with Mom if it was safe for us to stay here, and Imogen and Halina discussed ways to turn around Hunter’s passive mood. Alanna and Grandpa Jack were the only ones still focused on Grandpa’s birthday, since it was his special day, for a little while longer. I purposefully said nothing. Hunter was hearing enough right now; I didn’t want to add to his confusion.

  Excusing myself, I went upstairs to get ready for bed. It was torturous. It was so difficult to know that, after all this time, Hunter was finally in the same building as me, but I still couldn’t be with him. I wanted to go to him, but I knew he didn’t want to see me. Not yet. He was still adjusting—to being here, to being what he was. I needed to give him space. And that was so hard to do.

  After changing and brushing my teeth, I laid in my bed and listened to the swirling words blending together in a dull buzz that occasionally crackled with the pop of Hunter’s name. It drove me crazy; I just wanted everyone to go to sleep and stop talking about him.

  “It will be okay, Nick,” Julian said, entering his bedroom.

  Sighing, I adjusted my position for the millionth time. My mood had been shifting all over the place. The barrage of feelings was hard on Julian, almost as hard as it was on me. Feeling so much turmoil at this proximity sometimes made us feel physically ill—nauseous. It was draining, and giving him a headache, but all I felt coming from him was support.

  “Thank you,” I muttered, tears pricking my eyes. I wished I could talk to Hunter, or about him. But that conversation wouldn’t be private, so I didn’t say anything. Anything other than, “Can I sleep with you tonight, Julie?”